ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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