I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
