I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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