"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
