My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
