just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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