i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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