rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
