It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
