you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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