Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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