Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
