a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
MIDGETS
????
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
