I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
