as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
