I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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