I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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