Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
