physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
