Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
