After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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