you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
