we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
