she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
