My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
