marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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