is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
