nut hugger
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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