No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
