Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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