When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
