this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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