What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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