I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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