I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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