Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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