my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize