I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
