Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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