i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
