Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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