i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
