im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
