you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize