the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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