I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
