I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
