You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
