your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
