you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
