If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
