It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
