I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
