We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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