I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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