god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize