Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
