i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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