return my video game
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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