Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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