Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
