Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize