all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
