matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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