This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
