How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
