I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
