why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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