Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
