Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
