So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
